The toxicity of resentment

A lot’s gotta happen before resentment sets in.


Resentment is more than just a feeling . . . It’s a deeply entrenched mental state that develops over time.

For some folks, it’s the result of myriad violations of “pet peeves” that have accumulated over a period of time.

Imagine the “Boiling a frog” analogy . . . Toss a frog in a boiling pot of water, and it’ll walk on water to get out of the pot . . . Put it in a pot of cool water and gradually increase the heat, and that same frog will sit there calmly until it’s cooked.

Same goes for resentment.

Resentment is SO strong that I’ve heard from more than one “Psychological Expert” that, once it shows up, the relationship is doomed with darn near 100% probability that it’ll fail.

This rings true for personal and Business relationships . . . Including your relationship with the organization/Company where you work.

We humans have finally reached that (I think dangerous) point at which (almost) no-one necessarily needs to go to the office to do their job unless their job requires physical labor at the office.

The result of this leans toward “disengagement” because even video conferencing isn’t nearly as intimate as face-to-face, belly-to-belly interpersonal communication.

Here in the Real Estate Sales industry, there are many REALTORS who rarely, if ever, intentionally set foot in their office on purpose. Pretty much ALL of our “Office Duties” are doable virtually.

So . . . This creates somewhat of a quandary for many Real Estate Firm owners who are dealing with the enigma of agents having the expectation of having lavish offices in highly visible, public locations and ample “Private office space” yet failing to show up. So the owners pay exorbitant $$$ for space that’s under-utilized until . . . Resentment sets in at which point they begin to “trim” their budgets by decreasing their physical footprints . . . and the cycle rolls on.

So often, we allow this dynamic to create enough noise to poison the culture . . . People start forgetting what “we stand for” and WHY we are here together supporting each other as we live, work, and play in a personally fulfilling way.

My point is one that I have blogged about before:

I beg of you for your own mental well and for the mental well being of your colleagues (co-workers) and the organization with which you affiliate:

DON’T continue to work with/for any person organization you resent.

DO pay attention to your own personal level of willing engagement.

Here’s a simple test: When you go to the office, do you dread it or look forward to it?

If you dread it . . . Why?

Is it something you can change?

If yes, connect with whoever powers that be who have the “authority” to effect change and present your issue.

If there’s not a satisfactory resolution, agree to disagree and move on.

Don’t stay if the only reason to stay is the convenience of not having to change.

Therein lies the seed of resentment.

More about this in today’s


Published by Barry Owen

Strategist-CEO of Pareto Realty Real estate sales Professional Inviter-Facilitator-Practicer of Open Space Technology Opening safe space for people & organizations to self-organize around issues & opportunities BarryOwen.US Invite-Listen-Love

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